Friday, April 1, 2016

Send Help

Help.
I have been trying for so long to find who I am inside this physical shell.
I have been working for a better understanding of who I think I'll grow into once I give myself time for that.

I have been looking in all the wrong places.
I have looked beneath my collarbones where stars have planted themselves.
I have looked in the sandstone cave that has replaced my gut on the nights when every name that isn't yours leaves me wanting.
I have felt between my fingers for something unexpected but they've always been the same hands.

Maybe who I want to find isn't in here.
Maybe who I'm looking for is somewhere out there.
Maybe they are a flashed reflection in a window of a building we've forgotten the name of.
Maybe the one I hope to find got lost among the leaves on a summer day when we tried to become part of something bigger than ourselves.
I've looked underwater. Maybe I wasn't looking hard enough.
I've searched behind the thorns. Maybe I wasn't searching well enough.

These children's eyes are so like a pool in the way they reflect and yet plummet.
I miss my pool eyes.

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